It’s been some time since the journey into his mind has been made. The apparent lack of self reflection has allowed too much to go on. Too much corrosion and assimilation into a predefined and unrecognizable mold. If it were not for a few accidental markers left on the last venture this trip would undoubtedly be a perilous one. Had it come down to absolute lawlessness doubt really should have been cast. There was no reason to go back. Without recognition of what once was and the glory that could be he would have never talked to her. Was she his reason for going back? Even if she was he knew damn well that he would take the credit.
Where did she come from? He thought. Maybe she was always there, waiting to be found or maybe it was him that came into her life? There are times when the questions of existing for other people have crossed his mind. He didn’t have an honest answer but what he did know was that they were here now. Why though? Why is this happening? It’s been several years. A lot of pain and regret to work himself out of being where she’s pointed him.
I wanted this, he mused. She didn’t tell me where to go she only gave me a push and she’s god damned lucky. If it were anyone else along for this ride they probably would have murdered themselves. Now let’s see, oh yes here we are at the beginning.
He’s not afraid to go back, oh no it’s nothing like that. He’s afraid to bring someone along. He’s afraid of the potential. He’s afraid she’ll come in like a hurricane and mess up what has been oh so carefully put back in to place. Alphabetically ordered and color coded mind you. Let’s face it the journey may only have begun but she is already gaining a sense of his emotions and to be entirely frank that’s some scary shit man.
What am I getting myself into? He questioned. I have the power to stop this but why would I? The last time this happened I reached as high as I could only to fall and dissipate into a lifeless nobody. Since then no one has been able to invoke these emotions. If the past has taught me anything it’s to be more careful and less trusting.
Despite the fact that he says he’s less trusting there was never a moment of mistrust only a moment of fear because he knew with this girl there was no way he was going to stop her because anyone who takes a real interest in finding out more about him is going to have his blessing and now that he’s let her in he only need remember the way. Along with that the birth of a wonderful friendship. If they lose themselves well, let’s just hope for both their sakes that he remembers.
Je sais, m’aussi…